Fellow showed up on blogstream a few days ago. He has since left but his stay was interesting. His blog was titled “Will You Always Hate Me” and his operative name was ‘prisoneroffear’. He claimed to have been a sex offender, having molested his 7 year old daughter. He was 28. Sounds like a child molester to me. Anyway, he claimed to have been through a lot of court ordered therapy, had his life in order and was here to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

He had but two short posts. I read through them but had no comment that would have been productive. I mean, what are you going to say to a child molester? But a fellow blogger, ‘sliptease’ showed up and had plenty to say. Turns out that this sliptease is writing a book here on blogstream. He is an interesting sort and his book, so far, is easy reading. He has an unusual perspective on sex offenders. He spent a great deal of time in heavy duty therapy with a bunch of sex offenders while he was in prison. But he wasn’t a sex offender. On the contrary, he hated sex offenders and complained about them every chance he got.

He jumped on this guy with both feet. He pointed out that within his two posts were many thinking errors that gave the offender plenty of fuel to run on. He showed this guy where even his blog name and operative name were signs of his seeing himself as a victim. He went on to say that perceiving himself as a victim was not only out of line (the child was the victim) but also signaled he was deep into his cycle of abhorrent behavior and it wouldn’t be long until he offended again unless he pulled out of his self pity.

The offender had but one comment in response. Even to an untrained eye it was defensive, evasive and dripping with sarcasm. I was anxious to see what sliptease would have to say about the sarcasm but the offender withdrew his blog. What this pointed out to me was the difference between intense individual therapy and the kind of therapy offered at the strip mall by some pay as you go MSW.

What’s the motive of the MSW? Well he/she wants the $50. What’s the motive of the offender? To say whatever he needs to say to get the thearpist and the court off his back. Do either want the offender to get a grasp of his emotions and learn to intervene early in his cycle of deviant behavior? Not likely but even if so; one hour, once a week, isn’t going to get it done.

I remember a sociologist coming to one of my classes a few years ago and she said that if you wanted to get the attention of a sex offender simply open your front door and yell. In the years following the class that fact seems to be coming more and more true. It seems as though sex offenders are behind every bush, filling the schools, preaching the gospel and leading the scouts.

Every time I see an adult male alone in a city park I wonder what he’s doing there. Don’t you? I find myself afraid to be nice to youngsters at the mall, or the park, for fear of their mothers reaction to me.

You all know I am reluctant to ever agree with Bill-O, but the blogger “Will You Always Hate Me?” lends support to Bill’s notion that therapy is a joke. If this person has satisfied his court ordered therapy he has learned little. Sex offenders are never cured, no more than an alcoholic is ever cured. It is a day-to-day struggle. When the chips are down a recovering alcoholic puts himself at risk. When the chips are down a recovering sex offender puts society at risk. Sex crimes are not profit oriented, they are impulse driven.

What should judges do, then, to confront this growing problem? Jessica’s Law sounds good but is flawed inasmuch as sentencing every sex offender to 25 years will fill the already overflowing prisons. Jessica’s Law also contains no provisions for therapy, which seems to be the only realistic hope. A sex offender, released after 25 years, will be a bitter sex offender with an axe to grind.

What scares me is the attitude developed in prison which would motivate the offender not to leave a witness next time. Sort of like the valid argument against those so called ‘three strikes you’re out’ statutes. When the offender is committing that third strike they know it and all bets are off.

The understandings of sliptease seem to make a lot of sense, at least from what I read in the comments left on the now closed child molesters blog. Maybe there is some hope to be found in the ideas of therapy if it is intense, long term and well motivated. Therapy where self improvement and self awareness can be measured and observed.

One hour, once a week, won’t get it done. Twenty five years of resentment in prison won’t get it done either. Maybe the best solution to protecting us from sex offenders is to teach the sex offender to protect himself, from himself.

If you could end the threats of terrorism wouldn’t you? Naturally you cannot, nor can I. We are all small players on a worldwide stage. But I have come to believe there is a way to curb terrorism. I believe there is a way to make involvement in terrorism less appealing. On the one hand, the path could be made Herculean. On the other hand, the path could be quite easily done. All it would require is a cooperative effort of people not interested in cooperating. A cooperative effort between rivals.

But it’s a cooperation that has happened before in our history. It would require the full cooperation of the national media. If you are old enough to remember, and were paying attention, the media outlets all agreed not to show scenes of 9/11 following that tragedy. Remember? For years those horrific scenes were not shown on any outlet. So this cooperative effort is possible. The challenge is to make it probable.

Have you noticed that every time there is a march or parade in the Middle East more than half of the placards are written in English? I get the impression those people understand that I/we are watching. I know they are watching. They watch a great deal of Al-Jazerra and other local outlets but they also watch FOX and CNN to see themselves on American TV. Knowing their message is pasted all over the United States excites them. It gives them a reason to be.

Can you recall the last day you didn’t see a car burning in Baghdad? A blackened building? A weeping mother? A stretcher being loaded into an ambulance? A Muslim shaking his fist and chanting death to Bush, death to Blair, death to the USA? An audio tape from Bin Laden? A hole in the ground where an IED once waited? The latest video from Bin-Laden? A smoldering American Embassy? The latest video from Zawahiri? A picture of the latest hostage? The name of some obscure group not even known in their own neighborhood? Another American flag burned and stomped into the ground? Can you recall the last day you didn’t see those things?

Serial killers are well known for keeping clippings and videotapes of the news coverage following their foul deeds. Youngsters, these days, replay their own videos of fighting, vandalism and violence. Arsonists often videotape firefighters wrestling with the very blazes the arsonist began. Well, terrorist are watching too. Knowing their message is pasted all over the United States excites them. It gives them a reason to be.

Mr. Bush has said, repeatedly, that those who harbor and support terrorists are as guilty as the terrorist themselves. It is my belief that the endless video that covers our TV screens daily is a form of support. What meaningful impact would it have on our lives if we didn’t see those things in our livingroom each and every day and, in the case of cable outlets, all day?

Yesterday President Bush asked the ‘networks’ for a piece of prime time to make a little speech commemorating 9/11. The time slot will interrupt the second half of the well publicized ABC docudrama as well as Monday Night Football! Is nothing sacred? But the time was made available in the wink of an eye. When the President asks, the ‘networks’ comply. That's always been the case, regardless of who the President was.

So let the President ask again. Call the network and cable executives together for a luncheon and ask them all to agree to stop showing video of any terror related activity. From parades to interviews to bombings. It can be done in the wink of an eye and would be a greater deterrent to terror than, say, taking off our shoes at the airport or tossing out our water bottles.

Oh, I know, there isn’t enough violence and sensationalism in this country to fill the news day. The United States is a pretty boring place. Following the newsworthy moments of our government is a losing proposition to say the least. The Executive Branch is a numbed lock step. Heaven knows the Legislative Branch is doing nothing and the Judicial Branch is, well, the Judicial Branch.

I am reminded of an old joke which surrounded Truman Capote. I forget the joke but the punch line was “suppose they gave a party and nobody came”. Let the insurgents, or terrorists, or whatever you choose to call them, play to the home crowd. Let them preach to the choir. Don’t let them preach to America.

Eliminating terror related video from our national scene will not put an end to terrorism but it will give a terrorist one less cause for excitement, one less reason to be.

If you have ever filed out an application for employment, you’ve seen this question. Have you ever been convicted of a felony? To some the question means nothing while to others it means everything. If you have been convicted of a felony you have already experienced the results of answering yes to that question. In all likelihood you haven’t been called in for an interview, right?

You know what I’m talking about, and I do too, because I have a felony conviction. Nothing too unsavory, mind you, no sex crime or weapons or violence, a simple burglary. That’s not to minimize my crime, in any way, I still had a victim even though I had no idea who it was. It was fifteen years ago but it might as well have been yesterday.

In the fifteen years since my poor choices opened some less than desirable opportunities I have held but two jobs. I have applied for more than 30. The two jobs I held were through an employment agency which, more often than not, are more interested in a warm body. Both jobs could be classified as jobs Americans won’t do. But I did those jobs without incident. I also returned to school and received a Bachelors degree. How many ex-felons do that?

The supposed idea behind incarceration is to instill some desire to rehabilitate one’s life. While that may be true in philosophical circles and state budget seminars, it’s nothing near the truth in the real world. Let me share with you my most recent brush with the world. It all happened this past week.

The want-ad asked for a resume and cover letter. I sent them along and they called me in for an interview. I had no difficulty in selling myself as the best candidate for the job. I am a gregarious sort, the type of person you could take anywhere; even a penitentiary. Shortly after I arrived home they called and asked me to take the job. I was delighted but in the back of my mind I knew they had yet to have me fill out an actual application for employment. I knew the question would come up and I knew I wouldn’t lie about it.

They asked me to show up on Thursday and get started. I did and one of the first people to greet me was the lady from personnel. She insisted that I fill out the withholding forms right away and said I could bring in the application for employment some other day. I began learning my responsibilities and the ins and outs of the software used by this company. I got along well with all the mentors which passed before me.

I brought home the application for employment and filled it out. I answered yes to the felony question and supplied as much detail as I felt they needed to know while also knowing they could contact the county of my difficulties if they wanted to know more. I went to work Friday and shortly after lunch turned in the application.

Friday went as well as Thursday and all agreed I was picking up the program and should be ready to go solo by Monday or Tuesday. When I turned in the application the lady tossed it into a box labeled ‘to do’. I figured that since it was Friday afternoon she might wait until Monday to sort things out.

Come Monday I was glad to see them and they were glad to see me. I spent the morning learning a few small details and spent Monday afternoon pretty much on my own, doing the job I was hired to do. Tuesday morning and everything felt different.

I’m sure you have been in situations where things just ‘feel’ different. Nothing you can put your finger on, just a feeling. The lady that hired me was not in the office that day but I was instructed to go do some additional work with another employee.

Around 10AM I was standing behind the employee while they checked their email. I learned that was the way all of these office people communicated with each other during the day, email. This employee had their screen set to where the first sentence of the body of the email was visible without opening the entire message. While I was watching an email came up which started: “Why are they letting Tom go?”.

The employee quickly skipped past that one but I stood there, a little numb and shaking a bit inside. Finally I asked the employee to go back to that email and they refused to do so. So I said to them that I thought the email asked why I was being let go. With the meek embarassment of a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar they said it was. I asked when this was supposed to happen. They said tomorrow when the lady that hired me would be back to the office.

At that point I saw little reason to hang around since everyone in the office, including me, knew the situation. Humiliated beyond words, I gathered my few things and left. There was no unacceptable behavior, no loud words, no carrying-on, I just quietly left. Shortly after I arrived home I received a call from the lady that hired me.

She apologized for my seeing the inter-office email but validated the idea that I was being let go. I asked her what possibly could have gone wrong so quickly and she responded that Oregon is an ‘at will’ state and she wasn’t required to give me a reason. An employer in Oregon can fire anybody at anytime on nothing more than a whim. I asked her if she were at all concerned with the violations of confidentiality. She said the employee that had sent around the email was being dealt with. That wasn't an answer, just a response.

Fifteen years ago the cops showed up at my door and I admitted, without hesitation, my involvement in the crime. Fifteen years ago I stood before a judge and didn’t blame a lousy childhood or my parents or drugs or alcohol. I stood up straight and accepted my fate as a direct result of my choices, no one else’s. Since that time I have maintained a clean record, held a couple of shitty jobs, worked full time and went to get a college degree, How much more can I do on this path to rehabilitation?

These people that hire and fire, these controllers of my well being, these folks that could decide my success; choose only to decide my failure. They show up in their churches on Sunday and pray to the same God as me. They wear their non-judgemental Christianity on their sleeve. Christians with too much religion and too little Christianity. The Jesus I follow is filled with redemption, compassion and forgiveness. These are the very cornerstones of Christianity. What Jesus are they following?
--------------------
the title of this post was taken from Second Chances and used with permission.

The following post about bossyflossy and me was quite long so I decided to split it in half. I posted them in reverse order so they might come up in the correct order.

Many, many months ago I wrote a post that started this way:

“I am asking for your help. I don’t get many folks stopping by this blog. I am okay with that since these writings have a greater cathartic value. But if you know other folks please ask them to write to FOX news and complain about the use of the phrase “no spin zone”.

I was asking for the reader to ask people they know to contact Fox and to complain about the misuse of the term, ‘no spin zone’. One of the comments left on that post was this:

“I like your post, and understand why you feel so passionately....Just a tip...If you want readers you must go to other blogs and read them and leave comments on them....Otherwise you get lost around here...”

At the time I thought the commenter misunderstood what it was I was asking help about, although I must admit to the sentence structure being ambiguous. I wasn’t asking for help in finding more readers I was asking for help in spreading the word to Fox. But the words of the commenter stuck in my memory.

Yesterday I received a private message and within that message was the suggestion that if I went to thus and so blog and left a comment I might solicit more readers to my blog because thus and so has a high visitor count. That suggestion was unsolicited as we had been talking about something completely different. But it jogged my memory back to the comment left many months ago.

So what’s it all about, this blogstream? It looks as though it’s all about scratching my back and I will scratch yours. Bossyflossy (I hope there isn’t such a blogger, but just as an example) bossyflossy leaves a comment on one of my posts. So I’m expected to go to bossyflossy and leave a comment? But bossyflossy has a blog filled with Jesus, or her vacation or what she did today. Should I leave an insincere comment like, “I agree with you flossy, Jesus saves”, or “wow flossy it reminds me of my vacation last year”, or “hey flossy here’s what I did today”?

What’s the point in that? The odds are that bossyflossy didn’t read my post but merely commented in the hope that I would visit her post and add to her counter which was stuck on 2109. So I leave a comment, “gee, bossy, thanks for the pix of the grand kids. Good post” Here is where bossyflossy can make big numbers on her counter.

When I leave a comment on a post I invariably go back to see if they responded. It’s human nature, isn’t it? If flossy wants to add another 1 or 2 to her counter here’s what she should do. This might be a gut-check for many bloggers. To respond she only has to click once; either click ‘add a comment’ or click (CC). If she chooses (CC) she will automatically send her response to me as well as posting it.

Flossy would be showing some consideration by keeping me from going back time and time again to see her response. But that wouldn’t help that counter now would it? But bossyflossy is naive and never thought of that. Instead she returns to my blog, leaves another innocuous comment and clicks on ‘bookmark’.

I’ve book marked a few blogs but blogstream interprets that action as ‘blogs I like’. I didn’t say I liked them I only want to find them easily, like a bookmark. I only have five or six bookmarks, or should I say blogs I like, and I will use one as an example: Gaza Dreaming. Do I like the blog? No, the views expressed there run against my grain, more often than not, and I leave comments to reflect that disagreement.

In fairness to the writer, Dr. Mary, I have not been blocked from her blog although I disagree with her quite often. That’s more than I can say for others with whom I have left a disagreeing comment. I book marked it because I am interested in the Palestinian/Muslim point of view and Gaza Dreaming is hard to find on the blog. Gaza Dreaming has never commented on my blog and probably never will.

But I’m okay with that. I’m interested in them anyway even though they aren’t helping my counter. I am not writing for the counter. In the race to 50,000 I am the tail of the tortoise. I am writing for me. I am writing to become a better writer. I love substance and depth while I deplore fluffy and shallow. Sincerity matters, insincerity is cruel in its’ way.

Why would I bookmark Whit? His blog is easy to find. Why would I bookmark Coloconnect? Her blog is equally easy to find. I enjoy them both and I comment frequently. I comment on their posts but do I need to hold up a big sign that says I LIKE YOUR BLOG? Are Whit and Coloconnect offended because they aren’t in my extremely limited blogs I like list? I hope not. I know they’re out there, I seek them out. There’s no need to scatter bread crumbs along a path well worn by my shoes.

They should see that as a compliment. I know I do. If a person consistently comments on my blog and I am not on their blogs I like list, I’m complimented and I suspect their comments are heartfelt, not just some fishing expedition from bossyflossy hoping to lure me back to their web of numbers. I wonder if blogstream would consider a small window titled ‘blogs I don’t like’.

Oh well, there it is. Another post that no one will read. I have no friends. On a scale of 1-50 I’m only a 4. No one loves me so what’s the use. Even bossyflossy doesn’t come around anymore.