Bill,

I think that I might be ahead of you today. There have been some statements reported this morning concerning the vermin, Couhey.

Dust off the map of many colors and take your seat as the leader of the premium members crusade against child molesters. The ratings will soar, Bill, as you pronounce your most recent update on what does or does not constitute child molesting.

The factor nation is clamoring for your guidance. But tonight you will be faced with a cunundrum. For months you have stuck out your chest and pronounced the vermin, Couhey, as guilty and deserving of a justice only achievable by the death penalty; as if the death penalty has anything to do with justice.

Rack the video of the vermin, Couhey, being led into court. Remind your premium nation of what a bastard he was and is and will continue to be. Then tell your followers about the culpability of the other three people in the trailer.

But to be fair and balanced mention, as an aside of course, that there is plenty of culpability to go around. The folks who did nothing but laugh at the vermin, Couhey, a decade ago are standing in line to pull the handle on "old sparky" at Raiford prison.

For the vermin, Couhey, death. How many years for the trash in the trailer? How many years for the good ol' boys who never bothered to listen?

Bill,
Aside from speaking for Jesus, denying your encouragement of boycotts and shouting down those who disagree with you; you’ve behaved yourself for a while. I haven’t seen your buddy, Mike Gallagher since Thanksgiving but I keep waiting for him to explain his remarks to you and those premium members ( see Spin II ).

Another of your buddies did show up last evening; the original bobble-head, Dick Morris. As usual he was hawking his book (who isn’t on FOX) and, as usual, you and he sat for 5 minutes nodding agreement with each others’ utterances.

A few weeks ago the big story, in your eyes, was that the democrats had voted to go to war based on the same intelligence that the president had. The bloviating was incessant. Every disagreement was shouted down with the same punch line, i.e. the democrats had the same intelligence that the president had. Anyone disagreeing with the war you so heartily support was dealt the same knockout punch.

You and Mr. Dick, Morris not Cheney, decided to attack some sort of poll done by the New York Times. Your attempts to discredit the poll included the way questions were phrased. Mr. Dick, Morris not Cheney, complained that the poll even went so far as to ask if those being polled thought that President Bush was hiding something. Regardless of your spin, the sad thing is that the majority of those polled thought that he was.

Morris the Chat responded by laughing and saying that the president has access to plenty of classified information. Of course he has something to hide. He is expected to keep classified information classified. I agree completely.

George Bush I, Mr. Clinton, Mr. Ford, etc. all share a knowledge that none of us will ever know, and we never should. But how does that square with the democrats having had the same intelligence that the president had?

Which is it Bill? It’s a misuse of the bully pulpit to try to have it both ways. Remember Joe Pyne? I liked him because he never once had the audacity to claim that his bully pulpit was a no-spin zone. He made it clear that it was his way or the highway.

STOP THE PRESSES!

Bill O’Reilly knows how Jesus thinks and he doesn’t mind letting everyone know, even non-premium members! While discussing the tragic capture of four more people by terrorist in Iraq, Bill announced, even to the least among us, that Jesus would not support the terrorists.

With this pronouncement, the lady he was grilling asked him if Jesus would have gone to war in the first place. Bill turned off her microphone, said that the whole thing was ridiculous and moved on to the next batch of commercials.

STOP THE PRESSES!

Jesus dumbfounded. Refuses to answer yes or no question.

Not so many years ago the day after Thanksgiving was all about leftovers. Turkey sandwiches, day-old dinner rolls, scraps of pie and lingering relatives. In the last two years, though, the day after Thanksgiving has become something retailers call Black Friday.

At first I didn’t get it. I thought of Black Thursday when the stock market crashed. I thought about the Chicago Black Sox involved in a scandalous baseball world series. I thought about mourners and caskets draped in black. I really didn’t get it.

Then, while watching news clips of my fellow Americans trampling each other to get into this or that store or mall, the light finally came on. It’s the day when retailers get their bottom lines into the black!

They’ve been about their insidious ploys for years. Not so many years ago lovers of all ages would send and receive a Valentine card. Gradually it has come to be that unless your card is accompanied by 100 pounds of chocolate or a truck full of flowers or a huge diamond, well, you are a chump. I love you won’t do these days. Love is no longer a behavior, it’s what you have to give me. Not only what but how much, how big, how many.

The list goes on and on. Business has slowly crept into every celebration. No matter the occasion the sentiment is never complete and sincere unless you buy something. Looking for that perfect Valentine gift? Looking for that perfect Easter gift? Looking for that perfect Mothers’ Day gift? Looking for that perfect Fathers’ day gift? Looking for that perfect Halloween gift? Looking for that perfect Thanksgiving gift? Did you send a card and a gift to your grandparents on Grandparents day? Did you send a card and a gift to your teacher on Teachers day? It’s secretaries day, where’s that gift?

Now comes the war on Christmas. What a lame war it is. Can I say Merry Christmas? Should I say Happy holidays? Perhaps I should ask ones’ religious, political and cultural persuasions before I say anything at all. My only connection with Christmas these days is the solitary bell ringer of the Salvation Army. I’m a Christian. I am not a bible pounding, fire and brimstone Christian. I am more of a trust in God but row away from the rocks Christian. My God has plenty of room for both.

So the battle is on. Out comes the Christian soldiers. I mean no disrespect when I say that the Falwells and the Robertsons are popping-up everywhere with a somber message. They are going to take back Christmas. Armed with a battery of lawyers (God help us all) the holiday tree will be a Christmas tree or else! We’re mad as heck and we aren’t going to take it anymore.

That’s all well and good but much too little. I’ve heard reports that some 85% of this country is Christian. So the vast majority of the thundering herds of Black Thursday were Christians. You guys really want to put Christ back into Christmas? A good start would be to get Christmas back into December. I saw the first Santa Claus at the local mall on November 3rd this year. November 3rd! The commercials on television followed suit within the week. Ho-ho-ho and, more importantly, buy-buy-buy. Better hurry there are only 57 shopping days until Christmas.

Come to think of it, I think I mis-spoke in the previous paragraph. Christmas actually is in December. It begins with midnight services at various churches on December 24th . It ends shortly after as the thundering herd makes it’s way home to unwrap all those perfect gifts. And as the last gift is pulled from underneath the tree someone will finally notice the crumpled, pop-up, cardboard nativity scene.

Not so many years ago the day after Thanksgiving was all about leftovers. Turkey sandwiches, day-old dinner rolls, scraps of pie and lingering relatives. Amen.

Dear Bill,

Many years ago my mother was raped and murdered. I’ve never gotten over it, never will. Having lived through such indescribable tragedy I can truly empathize with the father of Jessica Lunsford. I’ve seen him on television and believe that we would like each other on many levels, not the least of which being that we are common folk.

Although I am troubled by the way this sadness was handled by the local authorities, I salute my home state, Florida, for implementing Jessicas’ Law. What I don’t salute is a bully pulpit, filled with braggadocio, sitting night after night in front of the map of many colors. What I don’t appreciate is the paint-by-number approach to a much needed law which deteriorated into Bills’ will.

How much deterioration? Two nights ago child molesting was the main theme for 10 minutes or so. Wendy Murphy was one of the guests. I like Wendy. More accurately I admire Wendy. She is much more of an inspiration than even she realizes. She mentioned that she was in line with Bill about the age of 11 being some sort of deciding factor when it comes to the victim. That’s the first I had ever heard of that.

Most surprising was that a mere 3 days before the program this Lafave lady was given a comical sentence for molesting a male student. It was never mentioned. Ten minutes talking about child molesters and a case 3 days old, a case rife with absurdity, doesn’t come up? Early last fall some other lady got 9 months, credit for time served and walked for molesting an adolescent male. Didn’t hear anything in the no spin zone about that one either. This week two more cases have reared their ugly heads and in each instance the ladies will walk while the no spin doctor checks the ages of the victims.

You present yourself as some sort of champion of the victims of child molestation. I commend you in that endeavor. Those sorts of crimes have gone unchecked for far too long. But Jessicas’ Law should be applied in every instance. A child molester is a child molester. It is not okay for a pin-up sitting on a motorcycle to molest an adolescent, Bill, and it isn’t okay for one of your buddies, Mike Gallagher, to turn the victim into the victimizer.

During your Thanksgiving break Mr. Kasich was talking to your pal Gallagher about child molesters. At the end of Mr. Gallaghers comments he said that the boys had physically overpowered the teacher! I need to apologize to Werner Wolff for using his line so much but let’s go to the videotape. Mr. Kasich appeared truly distressed. The remark hurt Mr. Kasich as much as it hurt me.

Mr. Gallagher is a frequent visitor to the no spin zone. When he drops by again ask him to defend, that remark. Your pragmatic approach to child molesters has been shot full of holes, Bill, and your bandwagon has lost it’s way. Jessicas’ law applies to men only. Female offenders, as if there really were such a thing in the no spin zone, are mitigated by Bills' will.

My beloved Florida is no longer a purple state on your map. It has changed to the favorite color of the very troubled, emotionally distraught, penitent and abundantly remorseful Ms. Lafave. My guess is that her favorite color is red. That was the color of the motorcycle wasn’t it Bill? Did you notice the motorcycle?